Now that we're all caught up...

Whew! Those blog posts seemed to take forever! I'm glad that I didn't go all the way back to when I was a baby! Well, maybe I can do that really fast...I was born in October...just kidding! But seriously, now that you know a bit about the major events of my life the fast few years, I would like to tell you what my real battle is. My emotional fight started when I was about 14 years old. It was like something in my brain just switched and I wasn't the happy kid who enjoyed the things in life anymore. Everything that I did, all of the theater productions, the dance competitions, the voice recitals, I just did it to keep the facade going for my parents and brothers. It's not that I didn't have fun when I was away from home, I did. I laughed and I had some good acquaintances. But, it seemed like I just started to get into trouble more. It was like, no matter what I did, I was always wrong. I was never right about anything. Any choice that I made was the wrong choice and I couldn't understand why I just couldn't do anything right anymore. Well, as this went on, my older brother left for college, my relationship with my mother was always under pressure. My younger brother kept annoying the heck out of me, and my dad seemed to forget everything that I would say to him. I really couldn't stand being at home. So, I did what I could to get out of the house. If that meant putting on a mask and doing things that got me away from home, then I did it. I enjoyed being away from home because I didn't have the constant arguing and bickering around me or directed at me. It was around that same age, maybe 15 or so, that I really got into the darker side of life. Now, I grew up as a Christian. I still am a Christian today, but the dark was calming and it seemed easy. I could be my self, in the dark. I looked to the internet and I found out that what I was feeling and what I had awakened into was a life of vampirism. Yes, my readers, vampirism is very real. I went through what is called an "Awakening." There is a very informative website that spells everything out pretty clearly here. I was really young when it happened to me and I had no idea what was going on until I found three others who would become my mentors for the next three years. Their names were Zachariah, Simon, and Gabriel and later on, Victoria joined us. She was new too. They taught me about what was going on with me. What this new thirst was, what it was that I was craving. I began to follow them and their ways and I all but abandoned God. I didn't realize it then, but it had gotten to the point that I was hiding my beliefs and my shrine. One day, I slipped up. My mother found out about what I had been doing and she sat me down and never asked why I was into what I was into, but instead, basically told me that if I didn't get right with God, that I was going to be heading down a road that was going to be near impossible to come back from. Well, I said goodbye to my mentors, they were sad to see me go, but I knew that my mom was right. But the vampire that lived within me was so hard to get rid of. I just had to ignore my thirst. My family moved when I was 16 to a place out in the woods. My friends still had a link with me, a psychic link. I could literally feel their presence still with me after I moved. When I was old enough to drive, I went back to the place where we used to meet. I didn't tell them that I had gone there, but their energy was still there. I told them that I needed to not feel their energy anymore. I needed them to leave me alone with God. I needed to make amends with my first and one true love, Jesus Christ. They respected my wishes and they left me. After that, I sunk into a very deep depression. I was cutting myself and I was suicidal. My family never did anything about it. So, I suffered through it alone. I talked with my older brother about it a little bit, but our conversations only suppressed the feelings for a little bit. Then I started hearing voices. At first, they would scream at me only at night. Only when I was just drifting off to sleep, but then, they started creeping up and laughing at me in the evenings. I thought that I was going insane. Again, I dealt with this alone. Until I met my boyfriend (now husband). I told Sean about my issues and he was there for me to talk to. It wasn't until I left for college that I met someone who got me the help that I needed. This person was a professor. In many ways, I owe this person a lot more than I can give. I went to a counselor and was diagnosed with severe anxiety and severe depression. I started taking medication for it and after a while, I started to feel better about myself and about my life. I was on medication for about a year and now, I don't need it. I still have days that I fight my depression, but this time, I have the tools that help me win that fight. I am back to being God's girl and I am so happy that I am!